Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
