I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
