Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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