Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
