I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
