just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
