I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
