If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
