im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
