I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
