have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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