do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
