I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
