Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
