tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
