whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
