I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
