Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
