How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
