I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
