Your tits are I can't wait for
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
