it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
