Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
