Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
