Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
