Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
