So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
