Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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