Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
