You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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