return my video game
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
