Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
