I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
