I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
