So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
