but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
