I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
