Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
