Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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