Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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