true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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