Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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