The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
