I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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