You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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