he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
