sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
