I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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