By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
