It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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