The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
