drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
