You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
