She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will pee on everything he values.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
